Frustrated Feelings


Oh Brother

Unless your name is Natalie
There’s a relationship you’ll never have with me
A phrase when uttered, makes me shudder
None other than, “You’re like my brother”
In these words there’s so much pain
But you think just “no” would be a shame
Instead you think that you’ll be nice
Ice my pride with “brother in Christ”
Don’t use God as your excuse
Be honest with me, I’ve been honest with you
You say it’s great that I’m so brave
But to another crush your heart’s enslaved
Or Jesus is your date this week
Question: when you’re married will he take a back seat?
We say guard each others tender hearts
Well, when is romance supposed to start?
I’m tired of being perennially filial
Done with being treated like I’m trivial
I’ll share myself, but not with you
Against middle school crushes, I’m starting a coup
My love runs fast, and deep and wide
I don’t have time to slow my stride

I hate Christian dating culture


Dark Heart

In the night I often wonder
How my heart became so dark
Was it born in night and thunder?
Did God in heaven have a lark?
Or did He simply make a blunder
I feel if I could open up my chest
I’d find an organ black inside my breast
Not quite from evil or from sin
But from blood beneath its skin
So often it’s ripped and torn asunder
It must be bruised and quite bloody
Occasionally I wish it would be number
But I like my heart, e’en if its ruddy
For I know just why my lifeblood bleeds
It’s cause I see so many needs
So many wandering lost and broken
No words for them are ever spoken
My aching soul bids me help those I know
Them who share darkness within
Maybe together we can find some healing
At last replace this darkness with another feeling

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Re-Regurgitation

It’s already been said
Already been thought
Already been felt
Already been decided

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But let’s have another go shall we?
Feel the bile rising
Taste it in your mouth, sour and acidic
Swish it around, taste it
Swallow it again

It’s not enough

Cough it back up
Harder this time
Feel it rushing up your throat
Stomach muscles tighten and writhe
Abs clench and tear
The vomit races out
Through your mouth
Over your teeth
Spraying out your nose
Now the burning sensation will stay
Eating away at your nostrils
The stench will remain for days
The pain will stay
Maybe for long enough

It’s still
Not enough

Like dogs so many times we return to our vomit
To our old relationships
To the places we’ve been
To the problems we know all too well
When we find ourselves free at last
We begin to panic
Let out of our cage
We turn and run back to the safety of the bars
Fear binds us and guides us
Leading us back to the pain we’re familiar with

Humans are creatures of habit
Some of us have only known pain
It has become our companion
So when we are free to choose
We choose the devil we know
Over the shadowy stranger
What is hidden under his trench coat?
It could be the serpentine tail of a devil
It could be the shining wings of an angel
We rarely ever shake his hand
Listening instead to the creeping fear behind our eyes
Ever whispering
“Return to the cage, it’s where you belong”
“You don’t know what’s out there”
“It could be heaven, but it’s probably hell”

Recycling our wretchings over and over and over
Remembering the bad times
Reliving the painful memories
Re-regurgitation
Spit it out the bile
Spit out the fear
It’s time to swallow something else
Something real


 

Blinders

There are a million reasons in the world
A million for happiness
One for each chuckle and laugh
A million for sadness
One for each tear and sob
A million for anger
One for each shout and curse
A million for lust
One for each quivering sigh
A million for peace
One for each quiet moment

There lies no danger in these reasons alone
The sum of them is simply life
But strife can easily creep in, when we don our blinders
Then only sadness we see
And despair stretches out in front of us
A million miles long
Anger invades our vision
Turning the landscape red
Only happiness too can blind
Make us lose sight of our brother’s trouble
Lead us to live in empty bliss
Blinders cause us to be consumed
We forget to draw a line in our mind
We forget where life ends and obsession begins
We become slaves to our narrow sight
Expand your vision and see life for what it is
A roiling mass of everything
A boiling pot of experiential stew
To taste only one ingredient is to miss the flavor of life
Taste your share of pain
Then eat your portion of joy
Temper you sadness with gladness
Season your ambivalence with rage
See the world in every color
Boost your human resume with every experience
So that when the interview comes you do not find
You have been polishing only one facet of your gem the whole time


 

Sunrise in the Cave

Can you feel its presence lurking
In the darkness teeth are smirking

Shadows in shadows on shadows
They hide the grim and deadly gallows

Demons scamper in the night
In the darkness they find their might

Shadows may have their place now
But someday, the light will make them bow

It will dispel the creeping blackness
And paint beauty on a clean canvas

The gallows will fall and give way
To a glorious throne that will forever stay

The light from His countenance
Will fill us with confidence

The Son at last will rise
With us as his prize

No more tears
No more fears

Sunrise from Upper Injisuthi Cave.


 

Maybe Next Week

coming-next-week

Sorry man, I was a little busy this week
I had a few tests and something came up
I blew a tire and had to clean my room
Maybe we can hang out next week…

Sorry girl, my heart got a little full this week
I seem to have lost my intentions somewhere in my mind
My courage also appears to have fled deep inside my head
Maybe I can remember how to be a man next week…

Sorry son, work was very busy this week
That big project I’ve been working on was due
And the boss was breathing down my neck
How about a rain check for your childhood…?

Sorry father, I know you’ve been sick
But I have pockets full of excuses
And an uncrackable safe full of reasons
Maybe once you’re gone I’ll put flowers on your grave…

Sorry mother, I know I said I’d call
But my brain only remembers what’s in front of me
And I can’t see over these small things that have stacked into a tower
Maybe I can commit to call you next month…

Sorry poor, I know you have nothing
But that new iPhone was too shiny
And that new shirt too soft
The poor will always be with us, so maybe next person…

Sorry oppressed, I know they’re standing on your neck
But my hands are too soft
And my stomach too weak
Maybe I can free you next year…

Sorry God, I know I was to love
But there was so much to do and so little time
So much I needed for myself, I couldn’t spare a cent or a second
Maybe I’ll live for love in the next life…


 

Halting Steps

Of prudent mistakes
I have committed my share
Afraid of excess

I will raise the stakes
Over speak , make my debts square
My feelings express

Not shave words to flakes
Reticence will not ensnare
My tongue, I profess


 

Wandering Eyes for Lost Souls

What eyes watch the wasting wanderers?
Which ears drink in the incessant tunes of a broken record?
Whose hands hold a haggard heart, that misses beats right on time?
Blind lead the blind
Broken love the broken
Limping along on one shattered leg
We look for another with the opposite awkward gait
A handicap on the other side
Hoping we can combine our fractured selves
Into one whole human
Two puzzles with missing pieces
Meeting to make a new mosaic

The eyes that watch for struggling survivors
Look for a mirror image of themselves
The ears listen for that all too familiar song
Seeking its sickly sweet notes in a new key
The hands test the pulse
Counting for the beats they miss in their own wrists

We’re a world of hobbling humans
With eyes wandering for other lost souls

houche-tenere-ss


 

Moon Meanderings

Moonbeams drift
Through window slits
Beaming down
Listless lunar lunacies
Howling loves
And fragile fantasies
Are all the night eye
Has to offer
Each night
It stammers out
The same dusty dreams
Through barred barriers
Pouring hopeless romance
And midnight madness
Into the sleeping minds
Of all mankind

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Waiting Walls

Only a few feet separate us
A room filled with softly spoken pleasantries
No moats or castles walls
The course is a few chairs and a couch
Obstacles I can overcome with ease

The room is filled with barriers I can’t see
The murmuring hush makes my heart to rush
Whispering like the words of angry ghosts
A casual conversation guards the gate
More terrifying than a fire breathing dragon
No chains hold my feet
But fear nearly makes my heart cease to beat

You are a princess in a tower
The fortress is my mind
Guarded by all the insecurities
My nervous brain can find
No gauntlet to brave
No joust to win
No needle knives to punch my skin
The only champion I must fight for your hand
Is the one that lives within


 

Sonic Sewing

Hands up, they’re playing our song
Not the song of one man, but the throng
It reverberates through our bodies like a gong
Give the bass control, it won’t take long

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The melody a needle and the chorus a thread
It sews us together through the sides of our heads
Watch as the lights flash, blues, greens, and reds
Let our bodies do the talking, no words need be said


 

Lip Drips

Syllables drip from my supple lips
Dropping like I wish my hands would, to your hips
Only portions of my hopes come true, just snips
A hand in a hand, a moment of bliss
Lips hover, but never brush, breaths breathed in sips

I can make love to you with words in the air
But have not enough courage to caress your hair
Moment after moment I am almost there
One step from the edge, with too much care
Please teach me how to jump, show me where

I’ve bound my body, mind, and soul
Made them my slaves, a man in control
Cool, calm, and collected, completely whole
Still, though, I never feel full
This life of restraint has taken its toll

Is it alright for me to let go?
To let a little earth dirty the snow?
Could you possibly let me know?
Will I hurt you, if the line I toe?
Will you be left holding a debt I owe?

Could you help set me free?
Take my hand and help me be me?
Could I show you my heart, would you want to see?
When the blood pours out, will you flee?
When is it my time to simply be?

One thousands lives I’ve lived inside my mind
Some escape through these stuttering rhymes
Maybe all the dreams will come true in time
If I can make it out of my mental grime
I can live a real life, not that of a mime

head-in-the-clouds


 

Busy Bees

Busy busy buzzing bees
Spinning roundabout through the trees
Tossing and tumbling
Angry and bumbling
One million flowers to suck
No extra time to run amok
The queen is already quite fat
She guzzles her honey in by the vat
But she could even be fatter still
She’ll never ever drink her fill
Gorging stomachs with arms and legs
We stuff ourselves on emotional dregs
A brand new tit or a flashy tat
Each one of these needs a new that
We fill up the pockets in our souls
With meaningless materialistic holes
We drain our life’s energy
In favor of corporate synergy
We bow at the throne of things
Busy little bees, we think ourselves kings
Slaves instead to a schedule of running
Well, to all this my nose I’m thumbing
You can’t tie me to the tracks of rushing
My body the train of stuff will not be crushing
Jet around you arrogant insects
While you crash and burn I’ll look on with interest
Spin through the sky like ticking time bombs
Surely your downfall will be your reckless aplomb
I hope you wake up fore you burn out and crash
And end up a smoldering pile of ash
Seek love in each other
And you might find another
Who’s more fun than fun money
And who’s kisses are sweeter than honey

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Framed

I hope that as I imbue this page with my pain
I hope that as I push down each solid key
Tapping out a dance of emotion
That the ink will hold it for me
That this computer will remember my words
So I don’t have to
Maybe I can leave these thoughts in my head
For someone else to think
I hope that this time
I can walk away
Without a blink
Leave my sadness framed
Hanging on the wall
Not perched inside my mind
Just waiting to fall

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Just a Step Away

War
Is just a shot away

Ecstasy
Is just a pill away

Hate
Is just a curse away

Anger
Is just a shout away

Violence
Is just a punch away

Death
Is just a stab away

Madness
Is just a twitch away

Comfort
Is just a hug away

Dance
Is just a song away

Intelligence
Is just a book away

Reconciliation
Is just a word away

Friendship
Is just a smile away

Peace
Is just a prayer away

Hope
Is just a thought away

Love
Is just a kiss away

So many ways
So many steps

Two feet
One thousand paths

Which way
Will you go?

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Sifting Stardust

I’d love to stand upon the moon
Way up in the sky
In the voiceless depths of space
Who needs a reason why?

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But if I had to give account
For all my lofty dreams
Why I’d top a Martian mount
Face cosmic extremes

VST snaps a very detailed view of the Triangulum Galaxy

I want to sift through all the stardust
Drifting through the nebulae
Pick glittering wishes from galactic gusts
Let them sparkle in my eye

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I’d get first pick of all the hopes
Falling on the Earth
I’d pile them on Neptune’s slopes
Of fantasies I’d have no dearth

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Inspiration finds its birth
In the shimmering night’s sky
That’s why stars have so much worth
For both you and for I


 

If Only In My Dreams

I open my eyes, and snow is falling
The first indication that I’m dreaming
Snow rarely falls on the hot hills of Alabama
It’s only just now October, so I know these flakes are phantasms
I walk out into the snow, and you are there
You’ve come to visit me in the midst of this winter
Winter always depresses me, the cold and darkness
Short days and long lonely nights
Leafless trees telling us that death is only a few degrees away
But your presence lights up the cold
Like the dawning sun burning through morning clouds

We walk out to a stand of bare trees
Ivory white aspens, naked and beautiful
The snow is crisp and clean
The millions of crystals sparkling in the sunlight
Making the ground shimmer
Like fairies prepared this spot for something fantastic
Sprinkling their magical dust just for us
Your eyes shine brighter than the sun reflecting in the powder
Your smile burns in the cold air
Shimmering behind a cloud of your sweet breath

We walk to the middle of the meadow and you turn to me
You embrace me, and you don’t let go
And at last, I have something to hold onto
Something other than my own arms
We lean in and in and in
I feel you pull back a little bit and wonder
Is it over already, already time to return?
But no, you purse your lips and lean in

 

Blue-Lips-Free

And I wake up
Back in my bed, on the first day of October
Tired, but warm
Groggy, but content
And I hope that someday I will kiss you
If only in my dreams


 

Cold Hands Warm Thoughts

I’ll cry for you
And you cry or me
We’ll cry for things
That will ne’er again be
Moments in time
That can’t be re-grown
Like nerves in the hands
That are cold as a stone
Conversations that ended
And won’t start again
You scratch and you scribble
But can’t write with the pen
Trails that we walked
On those hot summer days
But now your pained legs
Will just waste away
But all is not lost
In these sorrowful changes
If there are valleys of pain
There be joyous mountain ranges
Though the hands are frozen
We can still hold them
The conversations have stopped
But the face remains open
And though we’ll not walk
Those trails anymore
I will always love you
I’ll forever adore


 

Mind Solitaire

We live our lives inside our minds
Thinking out every situation, a million different lines
We note the ones we like
And observe the ones we might
We begin to build the one we love
Inside our fevered brains, the one to fit like a glove
Each one we meet against the list is weighed
And we find that we refuse to trade
Even one check mark
No longer league, or ball park
So we throw away possible relationships
And get our wisdom from internet tips
And though I think I could get her in bed
She looks so much better, inside of my head
And she always will
So I’ll sip my cognitive swill


 

Heart Throb Strong

They say that nuclear strong force
Is the strongest force in the universe
It holds our atoms together
It binds together everything in the universe

Electromagnetic force spirals along its field lines
Winding together the two magics of magnetism and electricity
Spiraling around planets, pulling electrons
Pulsing out voltages through space

Gravity is our close friend
It holds us close to our dear Earth
Keeps the planet spinning
In harmony with all the other space rocks

Love is more universal than gravity
Instead of rocks, it brings people closer

Love is more mysterious than electromagnetism
Its effects are more strange and wonderful

Love is stronger than the nuclear strong force
It can break through any wall or barrier
It binds together humans with unbreakable bonds
It saves ourselves and our friends with us

These forces of physics give us the ability to live
Love gives us a reason

Love-Fire


 

Desperate Times

Many of my rhymes
Remember those desperate times
All those nights where I cried
The days I wished I had died
I would wake many mornings
Already in mourning
Those were the worst days
The times when I was crazed
I opened my eyes with no energy
Life and I had no chemistry
And the only way I could get out of bed
Was to pray to the God inside of my head
To ask him for strength to get through the day
Without his power I knew I would stay
In my sad bed, with the demons and lies
I couldn’t break free no matter how I tried
But each morning he answered my whimpering prayers
I’d get showered and dressed and walk down the stairs
He gave me strength to live life, though I was depressed
And he gave me peace, when I was quite stressed
Those times were painful
But for them I am thankful
While others search for a god they’ve not known
For the past seven years, He’s been my home
Without His love I’d have taken my life
Without His strength I’d have fallen in strife
Desperation taught me a reliance on God
That nothing else can, so I look back and nod
I see the value in my weakness and sorrow
It shows me that God will be here today and tomorrow


 

Warm Wind Blowing

The warm wind
Will blow away
All that’s left
No words
No feelings
No thoughts
No pride
No sorrow
No anger
No questions
No answers
Only dust
On that warm
Summer wind

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Definition

In my deep pools of anguish
I say that I’m garbage

In the heights of my mind
I surmise myself a genius

In the times of abstinence
I consider myself pure

In the years of plenty
I count myself successful

In the midst of my fury
I call myself fire

In the waxing of my arrogance
I proclaim myself a god

In the contemplation of death
I find at last, that I am only a man


 

Nothing Ever Changes (?)

It seems I’ll always be a “brother”
And never a lover

My hives never leave me
They peek up so easy

I wonder if my life could ever change
At all

But maybe these prayers of saints
Can lift me up out of these straits

Out the decrepit life I’ve been living
Into a light that’s filled with thanksgiving


 

Diet Of Lovely

To make good food, you must eat good food

To give birth to beauty, you must experience beautiful moods
But our perception of beauty is twisted

We look at loveliness with eyes misted
We want our version of the American dream

But our hopes and dreams have common themes
Cars, houses, TVs, everything that money can buy

But sometimes at night we still will cry
For this fulfillment is false and will leave us empty

This conception of beauty is a tottering assembly
What is more perfect than a successful life?

A man on his knees in the middle of strife
Crying out to the God who gave him his life

Someone giving their all
To comfort those who bawl

Loving yourself wholly
Then loving your neighbor fully

Walking in the grace of God
Bound no more by the sinful bog

What’s wonderful is seeing your way through the smog
There is a great deal of beauty in being broken

Knowing you don’t have it all, but being awoken
To the providence of the One who breathed into the dust

And make brokenness beautiful inside of us

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Makeup

Makeup oh makeup
It’s time these girls wake up
And see that their caked up
Faces are fine
Don't hide any longer
Don’t hide any longer
Makeup oh makeup
Please end this big fake up
Their face kits please take up
And stop the decline


It seems quite a doozy
That women get woozy
At the thought of shadow free
Eyes (or unlined)

Dear women, you’re pretty
I find it a pity
You cover your beauty
Because others might whine

Let them look at your being
Soon they’ll be agreeing
It’s more lovely, and freeing
Than a face without grime


And if they cry “ugly!”
Then let the crass monkeys
Remain makeup junkies
They’re not worth your time


 

More

My name is Daniel, and I have addictions

I indulge myself too often with decadent chocolate ice cream

I watch far too many movies

I am without a doubt addicted to the bass (not the fish, but that deep humming sensation in your chest hinting that the music might be a little loud)

I have a craving for wildberry skittles, that an ocean of the candies could not fulfill

But these are child’s play

When compared with my addiction to you

To your grinning smile that bursts out, breaking the dam of your lips with a guffaw.

To your shining eyes that draw me in and in and in and in. I could stare into them forever, in the hopes that our souls might reach out through their windows and touch.

For another smile, another sparkle, another tender touch, I would wage wars of love, pour out oceans of compassion, plant trees of tenderness, sing songs of passion.

I am also addicted to love, and falling in love. And though I’ve fallen for you today, I might fall again tomorrow. But don’t fret my dear, these words I speak are true, I would never lie to you.

Though my passion may burn only for a moment, it is strong and hot, and maybe it could warm you for a lifetime. Or at least long enough to find another fire. It may cool down someday, but while it burns I will love, and while I love I will write, and tell the world of your worth. Truths told in the throes of obsession, but losing no honesty because of it.

So please do not help me. Smile again, laugh again, gaze into my eyes again, and once again feed my obsession.
Moar